There are a lot of ways to split everyone up into two groups, and no way is really fair or accurate, but here goes:
There are two types of people in the world, those who value the approval of others and those who don’t give a fug.
Those who value the approval of others put stock in it. They invest in it at the expense of other things they can invest in, like pure altruism. They care what others think about them and they will work hard to create an image that is most appealing to the most people, or the people they most want to be accepted by, often the most popular. In doing so, they usually sacrifice who they really are deep down inside. They can become so fake and empty that they don’t even realize it and are incapable of seeing it anymore. They sacrifice their soul for the prize of, not self-worth, but worth validated in the eyes of others.
They are trying to build their ego, which relies on the support of others to prop them up. So they beautify their plastic shells or dangle ego stroke rewards for fealty or intimidate for followership or any other number of ways to prop their ego higher than the next person.
It is often not in their best interest to be outright bullies, because bullies are easily identified and pretty universally avoided. Instead, status builders often adopt a number of more subtle but insidious methods. They may put down those around them, thus propping themselves up by comparison. Or they may persuade others to push them higher by offering some type of reward. It's really a kind of ego Multi-Level Marketing (MLM) scheme if you think about it.
Status builders might try to make others look bad, often without revealing what they’re doing or why. If they could outwit the other person, the bully might try to incite their victim to an emotional response that would only ridicule themselves. For instance, internet trolls intentionally try to aggravate people to get a rise out of them.
In a more concrete example, this is like a bully pushing and poking another student, insulting them and taunting them to hit back with spittle spraying on their face. They provoke until the student lashes out as requested at the precise timed moment just as the teacher walks around the around, and then the bully acts the victim.
These types of bullies are excellent image shapers of themselves and others. They always have plausible deniability for any malicious behavior so that if anyone tries to call them out, the caller-outers themselves would look the fool. They are as bad as Newman from Seinfeld, only more skilled at looking good and hiding their intentions.
There are many other techniques to manipulate people. Pick-up artists and misogynist dating coaches employ the backhanded compliment and other practices in an effort to damage a person's ego, but only enough that they would want it lifted back up by the very same person who damaged it. Toxic bosses even do this to employees.
The worst part is, these are the people who "succeed" in the game of life, at least according to the conditions of "winning" that they define and sell you (make lots of money, have lots of people admire you), because these are the people who build society. This is a natural development of social creatures; those who can cooperate with the most garner the most power and influence. The problem is that this often means that those who excel at shallow charisma without thought or substance, or those who do so for personal gain at the expense of the whole, are still more apt to gain power. They are still more apt to rise to the top.
Some people with good hearts learn to "play the game" well in order to navigate the system and do good work. But I tell you this: a vast number of the people who get ahead in this world are hidden psychopaths. They are wolves in sheep's clothing. They are narcissists too smart to ever let most people ever know, lest they ruin the con.
What about the other type of person, who doesn’t value the approval of others? They are typically the dorks, nerds, and geeks, freaks, queers, and outcasts that society looks down upon. They never bought much into the ego empire building game, either because they were incapable, didn't have what the status builders desired, or didn't desire what the empire offered. And so the ego emperors and their minions oppress them and keep them from the best fruits of the kingdom.
But there is Hope for the Flowers. I like the analogy by Trina Paulus. Two caterpillars work hard to climb the tower of other caterpillars in order to reach the clouds. But the story takes a (not so) surprising twist.
Those who don’t value the approval of others sometimes look on with desire of heavy heart. But whether they are excluded from the in-group for being different or for rebelling against the mandate to conform, they usually know, despite all their pain, their path is the preferred one. They retain their cherished sensitivity to love. They retain that connection to their inner selves and to each other that status chasers numb and dull in order to escape the pain of this otherwise cold, dark world.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on
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