Mother

My mom and I did not have... the best of relationships.  But life is hard, here on Earth, in human form.  It's so limiting, and blind.  So it's hard to blame each other for the pain we put each other through, and yet we all do.

I'm not going to rehash old troubled memories.  Here's just some of the good stuff I can recall.

---

She always pushed us hard to succeed and provided us many opportunities.  She was always very proud of when we did well.  That meant a lot to me.  I was usually very excited to show her my report cards.

She cared about us a lot, fiercely.

She was a hard worker who raised us by herself while a career woman for some time.  She was brilliant.  We all said she should have been a lawyer.

At Christmas there were always lots and lots of gifts and food and decorations.  It was a very big ordeal with a lot of work.

She gifted me 100 postage stamps one year for, I believe it was maybe for my 20th birthday.  There were probably a few other things, too, but I was like--what?  Is this so that I could write you letters or something?  (This was before the widespread usage of the email).  Turns out, those stamps saved the day.

I rode my motorcycle from Orlando to Minneapolis on an impulse--another long story.  But I ran out of gas and food money in Des Moines.  Desperate, but not wanting to call home, I sold my $.33 stamps at the gas station to anyone who would buy them from me, 3 for $1.  So turns out they were super helpful.

---

She did her best, and that’s all any of us can expect of ourselves or each other.

We were estranged much of our lives because we were both so independent and strong willed.  I regret not having the relationship I wanted, and I'm sure she does too.  But I'm also sure this is not the end of the story.