Pets

"Why is your pet sad, angry, or depressed so much of the time"?

"It's not because I'm too strict.  It's not because I keep it penned up.  It's not because I don't give it enough enrichment or walks or treats.  It's not because I take away it's toys.  It's not because I mistreat it.  It's not because I tease it.  It's not because I use fear and shame to discipline it."

"Oh.  Ok.  Do you love him"?

"When it does exactly what I want.  I try to train it, but it's very strong-willed and independent, and I am very demanding and exacting.  I will keep punishing it until it will obey me.  I will break its will if I have to, and nearly have many times.  I never give up and neither does it".

"I see.  How do you train him?"

"The usual ways of being incredibly harsh and withholding affection and treats until it obeys never worked on this pet.  So now this fucker has resorted me to trying ever more subtle ways to trick it, like using an assortment of friends it would never suspect are actually trainers.  But it always sees through my tricks and gets even more upset that I tried to fool it. So I continually berate it for being a disappointment in life".

"Does he love you?"

"I don't think so".

"Huh, you don't say.  Does he try to run away"?

"All the time.  But I keep it locked up and chained with a choke collar".

"Is he affectionate toward you"?

"No, it cowers in fear or roars at me.  I yell it at it then, but it doesn't seem to help".

"Is he affectionate toward others"?

"Incredibly affectionate and playful and protective with anyone who doesn't threaten it".

"Interesting.  Have you ever had any pets before"?

"No, this is my first one, and it's unbelievably frustrating that it won't do what I want, and that the harder I try to make it, the more it resists me, and at this point I have completely ruined my relationship with it.  I have stellar relationships with everyone else".

"Have you ever figured out why"?

"No, I'm completely in the dark".