The lions owned the place (but the females did all the work).
The tigers plotted to take over.
The cheetahs were difficult to spot.
The panthers ruled the night.
The hyenas were fucking annoying. Like, really fucking annoying.
The arctic foxes attracted a lot of attention.
The giraffes had been there a long time and liked to help the younger animals.
The zebras saw things in duality.
The honey badger don't give a shit.
The bears were lazy and happy.
The tapirs were funny looking. Have you ever?
The sea lions and otters just wanted to play.
The monkeys were wild and crazy.
The great apes were solemn and reflective.
The koalas just tried to hang on.
The platypuses were sometimes animal-class fluid, and were given a safe space.
The elephants minded their own, and their young.
The rhinoceroses spat mad rhymes, because they were always upset and drooling.
The crocodiles patiently waited for their opportunities, and were quite shallow.
The anacondas don't want none unless it could feed them a while.
The chameleons were open-minded, able to see things from multiple perspectives.
The hippos were aggressive and hungry, hungry.
The eagles and other birds looked at the cage and dreamed of soaring high again.
The owls ruled the night skies, but they never let you know it.
... and so forth.
Most of the animals were given large enclosures and plenty of enrichment activities: balls and swings and ropes, as appropriate for their species, so that they could be stimulated. More importantly, for the zoo's sake, so that the animals could entertain the paying guests who liked to see the animals do something and not just sit there, boring them. They paid to be entertained by these zoo animals, after all.
One day, the zoo was happy to announce the arrival of, you guessed it, a baby panda. It was all the rage. The cutest, ittiest, bittiest baby panda, who made a big splash in the national syndicate newspapers, and even internationally. He was that damn cute. He drew huge crowds, which meant lots of ticket sales that could be used as seed money in future projects. The zookeepers licked their chops. Local funrazers rushed to do what they could.
But wouldn't you know it, attention eventually waned on the panda. Eventually the newspapers rarely printed an article and the crowds simmered to their usually trickle. The zookeepers were not pleased, because they had come to expect the baby panda to continue to earn them lots of revenue for future projects, and fat wallet promotions along with that. They were greedy and cared more about their fat wallets than the safety, health, welfare, or happiness of the animals they cared for.
To spur the return of the crowds, the zookeepers decided to do something about the little panda, who by now had become a teen. He was interested in female pandas, but the zookeepers did not want the crowds to see that; panda sex would be repulsive to many and would not open the floodgates of crowds like they had hoped for. So they beat that panda every time he looked at a female panda, thinking that that would cause the panda to lose interest.
When the panda did not lose interest, they took away his enrichment toys and beat him some more.
When the panda did not lose interest, they threatened him with castration and beat him some more.
When the panda still did not lose interest, they put him in isolation and beat him some more.
When they finally put the teenage panda back in the general population enclosure, he was a sad panda from all the beatings and from losing all the things that made him happy for so long. And he was fat and lazy from not having positive stimulation for so long. Now the zookeepers were really concerned, so they said Fine! And they threw a bunch of balls and ropes and other toys at the panda, hoping it would shut him up and make him happy so the crowds would not see a sad panda.
Of course that did not work. After so much abuse for so long of his life, the panda could not be made to be happy at the snap of a finger, which is how the zookeepers thought. The panda was just going to be sad a good, long while, and there wasn't a damn thing those cruel zookeepers could do about it. That's what happens when you abuse animals.
When the crowds starting seeing the panda in this sad, fat, lazy condition, some yelled at it. Others threw trash at it. Still others felt bad and demanded to know what had happened.
Eventually the truth was found out. The panda was relocated to a sanctuary that specialized in rehabilitation. The zookeepers were investigated for mistreatment of animals. They lost their jobs, were fined, and spent a little time behind bars, too. Just like zoo animals.
And all along Horton was listening in to make sure they were all safe, sound, whole, and well.
No comments:
Post a Comment