On Happiness

What is the purpose of life?  There are many overlapping, I suppose, and really it is whatever we decide to be the purpose.  But some common things include to grow, to learn, and to be happy.  Growing will happen on its own, with little oversight, provided we are given an environment in which we can thrive.  The same can be said for learning, provided we are properly stimulated and our thirst is not choked by force feeding rote memorization of irrelevant dates and showing the work of pages of math homework you already mastered or suffering the taunting of a cruel and insensitive environment.  As long as it's not that.

But happiness.  Happiness is unique because it is very, very individual.  One more very for good measure.  Very.

My oldest daughter has the markings of a future engineer.  I can see it in her personality and the way she approaches problems, in the way she thinks and speaks.  I try to present her resources and tools and challenges and games to grow that talent within her.

But if one day she tells me, "Dad, I don't want the full ride scholarship to MIT.  I would rather go to beauty school instead," I would support her, because I would trust that she knows what would make her happiest more than I do.

Everyone values things differently, which is why we define our happiness differently.  And that is why I cannot define my daughter's happiness for her.  Even when I do have the experience and foresight to project that something would probably (and only probably--I can never know for sure) lead to unhappiness or less happiness, sometimes I have to let her figure it out on her own, and be there for her the entire way.  We all are learning and growing, too.

Back to those values.  Some value freedom more than anything.  But even if they value freedom more than anything, they likely do not want complete freedom. Too little freedom and they start to feel unhappy; too much freedom and they start to feel unhappy.  There is an optimal point of freedom that will probably vary as life circumstances change, and maybe even day to day.

Some value money more than freedom, but the same is true.  Too little, and they start to feel unhappy; too much money and they will also start to feel unhappy.  (People might not believe me, but with money comes worry about keeping the money or what you will do with all that money or the other people who don't have money who want your money).  So for everyone there is an optimal point of money that will probably vary as life circumstances change, and maybe even day to day.

What is true of freedom and money is the same for many other things: love and sex and fame and career goals and personal accomplishments and knowledge and power and family and community belonging and respect and reputation and companionship and excitement and admiration and peace and altruism and sense of purpose, etc.

For all of those and many other values, every individual has different optimal points, where too little for each one and they begin to feel unhappy, or too much and they begin to feel unhappy.  I kind of think of a sound mixer, except each channel is one of those happiness values.

And of course happiness itself is one of those channels, or perhaps the master channel.  We need a certain level of challenge in order to learn and grow, which is why we are even here.  But too much challenge and we stifle that growth.  Too little challenge and there is not impetus for growth.